[ It's not the first time Jason's ever punched him the face. But when it connects, he doesn't feel just the force of the punch. He feels the weight of everything Jason must be feeling. The break in his voice. It breaks him. ]
[ It stings. And he doesn't know what to do with the pain. He could bury it, like always. Or give himself the space to feel it. He doesn't know what to do with any of this. ]
No. You have every right to be angry with me. But I didn't lie to you.
[He moves back, away, across the room so he's in the corner. Normally he doesn't let himself do that, be cornered, somewhere that he can't hold onto all the power in the room, but he can't help it now. He shakes his head.]
Then what the fuck is it, Bruce? You told me you loved me, and then you, wha-
[ He could see the tears and honestly, this isn't how he wanted this to go. It's not how he'd planned for their relationship to end.
He could go. Probably should, since Jason is throwing him out, but Jason isn't the only one who feels like he's being pulled apart. Bruce had not been there for the explosion. But he wants to be here now, since this is all his fault.
It's stupid. He should go. But he doesn't. He pulls the cowl off and moves in closer to Jason so he can try to wipe his tears. So he doesn't feel like he's coming unraveled. ]
[ because words hit harder than any punch. Bruce would have preferred the punch to the face. The pain would fade. Jason's words cut deep and the worst part of it all? He's not completely wrong. ]
I wanted what was best for you.
[ And what was easiest for Bruce. It's easier to walk away when he thinks it's for someone else's own good and not his own. Bruce is the martyr you see. Sacrificing himself for everyone else. ]
I said it because I meant it. But you-- [ didn't say it back. ] I didn't want you to feel obligated.
[ It comes out sharper than he means for it to. He wants to lash out too, to push back on the idea that he's afraid. But he knows if he thinks about it, even for a moment, it feels like he's lying. He is afraid. ]
[ For a moment, the mask slips and Jason gets all of the vulnerability Bruce doesn't show anyone else. It's in the subtle shift of his gaze--usually hard and unwavering, averted so he doesn't have to face the truth of it. His jaw tight, mouth set firm. ]
Maybe I am...
[ He shakes his head, whatever else he wants to say swallowed up in the dark. He reaches for the cowl to pull it back in place. ]
[ It feels surreal to hear Jason say it. Like for a moment, he thinks he cannot be talking to him. There must be someone else he's speaking to. But there's no one here but him and Jason and Bruce is on the verge of leaving.
But he doesn't. He stands there feeling like an idiot--after too many minutes he says: ]
[ Bruce could brace himself, make himself an unmovable force if he wanted. But Jason shoves him and he moves. He would go, without another word or a glance back. ]
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theknightshift) wrote2024-11-12 08:56 pm
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Jason, stop.
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You are so goddamned predictable, I should have known-
[He aims another punch.]
I should never have trusted you, I should have known, this is my goddamned fault-
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Stop. Listen to me.
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[He slaps Bruce, then, open handed and sad.]
I kept doing that and you kept fucking with me, and now you-
[His lips pull away from his teeth in a growl.]
Iโm always the idiot, arenโt I?
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No. You have every right to be angry with me. But I didn't lie to you.
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Then what the fuck is it, Bruce? You told me you loved me, and then you, wha-
[And then it hits him.]
You coward. You fucking coward.
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I did what I needed to do. That doesn't make me a coward.
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Get out. Get out, I never-
Get out!
[He yells it, and he feels like his body is coming apart. He feels like he did when he saw the bomb tick down to zero.]
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He could go. Probably should, since Jason is throwing him out, but Jason isn't the only one who feels like he's being pulled apart. Bruce had not been there for the explosion. But he wants to be here now, since this is all his fault.
It's stupid. He should go. But he doesn't. He pulls the cowl off and moves in closer to Jason so he can try to wipe his tears. So he doesn't feel like he's coming unraveled. ]
It wasn't meant to hurt you, Jason.
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Only this isnโt physical.]
Oh no? Oh, daddy, did it get too real for you? You missed my pretty hole but then realized that feelings would make it gross?
Maybe you should have thought of that six months ago when you thought it would be a good idea to put your cock in my mouth!
[His tone is mean, his voice deep and snarling.]
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I wanted what was best for you.
[ And what was easiest for Bruce. It's easier to walk away when he thinks it's for someone else's own good and not his own. Bruce is the martyr you see. Sacrificing himself for everyone else. ]
I said it because I meant it. But you-- [ didn't say it back. ] I didn't want you to feel obligated.
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You could have waited a day, but no, you didn't get what you wanted right away and you left-
[He slams his hands into the wall behind him.]
You didn't want me to feel obligated, but you treated it like a goddamned test, that's not love, Bruce!
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[ It comes out sharper than he means for it to. He wants to lash out too, to push back on the idea that he's afraid. But he knows if he thinks about it, even for a moment, it feels like he's lying. He is afraid. ]
I just...I was giving you the out.
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[He shakes his head.]
You were giving yourself an out.
[He makes a deep throated noise.]
You might love me but youโre more afraid of me than anything.
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Maybe I am...
[ He shakes his head, whatever else he wants to say swallowed up in the dark. He reaches for the cowl to pull it back in place. ]
It doesn't matter what I feel.
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Stop lying.
If what you feel didnโt matter you wouldnโt have left me.
I love you and I wish you would die.
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But he doesn't. He stands there feeling like an idiot--after too many minutes he says: ]
I love you too.
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You donโt love me. You donโt fucking do this shit to people you love!
[Jason yells it, and he moves forward and pushes at Bruce, once, and then again.]
Leave! I never want you to see me again, leave!
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