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[theknightshift]

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[theknightshift]

[ For a moment, the mask slips and Jason gets all of the vulnerability Bruce doesn't show anyone else. It's in the subtle shift of his gaze--usually hard and unwavering, averted so he doesn't have to face the truth of it. His jaw tight, mouth set firm. ]

Maybe I am...

[ He shakes his head, whatever else he wants to say swallowed up in the dark. He reaches for the cowl to pull it back in place. ]

It doesn't matter what I feel.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[Jason watches, his jaw setting, and he goes quiet.]

Stop lying.

If what you feel didn’t matter you wouldn’t have left me.

I love you and I wish you would die.

[theknightshift]

[ It feels surreal to hear Jason say it. Like for a moment, he thinks he cannot be talking to him. There must be someone else he's speaking to. But there's no one here but him and Jason and Bruce is on the verge of leaving.

But he doesn't. He stands there feeling like an idiot--after too many minutes he says: ]

I love you too.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

Fuck off.

You don’t love me. You don’t fucking do this shit to people you love!

[Jason yells it, and he moves forward and pushes at Bruce, once, and then again.]

Leave! I never want you to see me again, leave!

[theknightshift]

[ Bruce could brace himself, make himself an unmovable force if he wanted. But Jason shoves him and he moves. He would go, without another word or a glance back. ]

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[Jason wants:

He doesn't know what he wants. He wants Bruce to want him, and he wants Bruce to leave, and he wants Bruce to apologize, and he wants Bruce to leave. He feels hysterical, like he's lost himself completely, furious and tired, and he hits Bruce again, in the shoulder, and then his arms are around him.]

You're so goddamned stupid.

[theknightshift]

I know.

[ Jason's arms around him feel like a reprieve, warmth he doesn't deserve. he doesn't know what to do with his arms until he settles into the hug and wraps them around Jason and he takes the moment to relish it. In case Jason decides he's had enough and pushes him away. ]

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[He shakes his head.]

You should leave.

[He is still holding onto Bruce, like this is the last time that he'll do it; he feels like it is. He feels like if he lets go, this will be over.

Maybe it should be. Bruce is too stupid for this relationship. He's just going to hurt Jason over and over again.]

B.

You're not even sorry.

[theknightshift]

[ He should go. This is what he wanted after all. But he stands here instead, arms around Jason like he's the last good thing on earth. It's done if he let's go and they'll never be like this again. It isn't fair to say he isn't sorry when remorse fills him up like water.

He exhales. ]

I am, Jason. I regret every pain I've ever caused you.

[ Even if he's not believed, Bruce means every word. He drops a kiss on his forehead. And then takes a step back. Jason wants him to leave. He should go. ]

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

You might regret it, but you'd do it again.

[He pulls away; he moves to the other side of the room, to the computer. He picks it up and hands it to Bruce.]

Right?

[theknightshift]

[ Not all of it. ]

No.

[ He takes the computer, tucks it under his arm. ]

There are a lot of things I would do differently.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[They're so close to an apology. He's so fucking close, and he still can't do it.

Jason just looks at him, and closes his eyes.]

Like what, Bruce?

[theknightshift]

[ His gaze drops to Jason's neck, where he knows the scar from his batarang is. Did Jason want him to go that far back? Or to something recent, like the case he's only recently dismantled?

Or telling Jason he loved him and leaving for three days? ]

Leaving. Not being with you when you needed me.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

God.

[He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands.]

You love me. Don't make this shit harder than it has to be.

[theknightshift]

[ He sets the computer down by the window he nearly escapes from and reaches for Jason. Smooths his hands over his shoulders. He won't do more than that until he's sure Jason won't reject him. ]

I do. More than anything.

[ Maybe even more than the mission. ]

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[Jason looks at Bruce, and he can't help himself.]

Prove it.

[He asks, but he doesn't know what to ask.]

[theknightshift]

Come to the manor. We'll have dinner.

[ Jason knows Bruce never puts off patrolling. Not for anything or anyone. Tonight, he might. He's going to try. ]

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

When?

[Because it can't be tonight, Bruce is in armor.]

[theknightshift]

Tonight.

[ Yes he means it. ]

It's been quiet, so I think I could spare evening to be with you.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[He squints a little.]

You have one night.

[And-]

Are you going to go back in armor or are you going to get dressed and come with me?

[theknightshift]

[ There's a safehouse near here, with a stash of clothing. Feasibly, Bruce could change and make this a proper date. He's quiet as he considers this and then: ]

I'll send the car home. I have a safehouse near here if you don't mind the detour.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[He is quiet for a minute, like he's thinking, and he is.]

Okay.

[He looks so intensely and deeply longing, like he just wants this to work.]

B. You don't have a second fuck up. I don't-

[He wipes his face with his hand.]

You don't have a second one.

[theknightshift]

[ Bruce didn't think he would. He pulls a gauntlet off so he can actually feel Jason's skin when he puts his hand against Jason's cheek. He knows he doesn't get a second fuck up. ]

I know.

[ He'd try to do better. He would. ]

Let's go.

[turdusmigratoriusmortuus]

[Jason feels like his breathing is coming back in bits, drips and drabs, and he nods a little with some insistence, and then faster as his breathing evens out. He feels that rage kind of seep away, and he reaches to grab Bruce's hand.

They don't drive; Jason just grabs a change of clothes (which he absolutely does keep in this safehouse) and follows Bruce through the streets, and when they get there and Bruce starts to strip he stops him and reaches to start undoing his armor.

Jason's hands are practiced and unbuckles his chestplate, and then his gauntlets, bit by bit.]

[theknightshift]

[ When they're together like this, it's easy to forget that they'd ever been apart. Traveling through the streets feels like an old familiar dance, they know how to fall together in tandem and pull themselves back up to make the most of their momentum. So it doesn't take long for them to reach his safehouse, tucked away in the crumble facade of a brownstone.

He waits until Jason's inside before he starts to take the armor off. He stops when Jason's hands take the place of his own and begins to unbuckle the chest piece, like he's done it 100 times before. And truthfully he has.

The meaning's just changed now.

Bruce lets his hands hover where they'd once been working for a moment before he drops them by his side. It's best to let Jason work and this? It's a show of trust. ]

You didn't tell me what you wanted to eat.