[ Bruce decides it's okay if he doesn't say it back. It feels a little like suffocating, but it's for the best really. He shouldn't have let this go on for so long. The first time should have been the last. He should have controlled himself. But that was a problem he intended to fix.
His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
[He's warm; he's happy. He loves him and there's Bruce, kissing him, and Jason grips his hand. It feels like being accepted again, the first time that Jason's felt this way in a long, long time. Maybe ever.
He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]
[ He stays, for however long it takes for Jason to sleep and when it's safe, Bruce slips away and into the night. It pained him, like being stabbed in the heart and being left to bleed out. But it's for the best. Life would go on. It had to.
However Jason tries to reach out to him in the ensuing hours are ignored. At least, until Jason forces him to pay attention. ]
[He wakes up to a cold bed and he didn't expect that, but he doesn't think it's bad; he thinks that Bruce got a call or something, so he just messages him with a woke up, thinking of you kind of thing, and waited.
And heard nothing.
He messages a couple more times that day, but doesn't think too much of it, doesn't worry, until later, until a day passes and then another. He knows that Bruce is okay, because he spots him in the night, because he hasn't heard word otherwise and he would have heard if Bruce Wayne was dead.
So by night three he's furious at getting ghosted, and his messages start getting mean, but-
-but then his temper catches up with him and Jason can't take it anymore. He knows it's a tantrum. He knows it's childish, but still, he comes to the cave when Bruce isn't there, even more annoyed that while Bruce is being a bitch he hasn't locked him out. He can't possibly explain why it's so annoying, but it is.
He knows he's on camera, too, so he casually flips the camera the bird, and then-
-and then he disassembles the backup server, grabs the Batcomputer, dumps it in one of the cars, and takes the car. He knows he's going to be running on time when Bruce catches wind and disables it remotely, but by the time the car starts to slow down Jason just grabs the computer and starts hauling it on foot to his closest safehouse.
It turns out to be a safehouse that all the Robins use, but that isn't important. He's not really trying to hide.]
[ If he's going to let this go, he has to cut the cord. So Bruce silences all of Jason's correspondence, except on the emergency line. If Jason really needed him, Bruce would be there. But he wouldn't entertain anything else. He couldn't. It made life difficult, but Bruce could deal with difficulty. He's trained by it, honed by it. It just didn't make missing Jason any easier.
But he managed. Three whole days before he considered reaching out. But he suits up for patrol instead and throws himself into the work. His cowl alerts him while he broods on one of the tower buildings littering Gotham's skyline. A disturbance in the cave. One of the backup servers returns an offline status and Bruce didn't need to to check the surveillance or the log of the most recent visitors. He knew immediately who the culprit is and he's swooping off into the night to confront him.
The tracker embedded in the server leads him to the safehouse and he comes in through the window, ready to greet Jason. He's not hostile. A little annoyed -- he's going to have to replace that server -- but not angry. ]
If you needed information, you could have just asked.
He is sitting with the computer between them, a hammer in hand, because he will absolutely go berserk if he feels like he needs to. He is on the floor with his long leg curved around the computer, no less.]
Oh, is that how I could have gotten you to answer your phone?
All the texts I sent, like the ones asking you to call me, they weren't enough?
[ He's angry enough for the both of them. Bruce wants to reach for him, pull him up and tug him into his arms. But he keeps his distance. Less so because Jason might try to hurt and more because Bruce needed to keep his resolve in tact. ]
[He throws the hammer at Bruce's chest. There is no finesse to it, so if Bruce wants to dodge, he can, and he probably can easily. It's rage flung out of Jason's hand right at Bruce's heart.
He thinks he can feel the heat of tears rising behind his face but damn it, he is not going to cry.]
[He gets up, then, and his hands are fists at his side.]
I tried. You didn't reply to a single text.
What is this about? Is this payback for going on a mission? Are you being petty as fuck? I was out there doing something important, and you've been fucking around the Diamond District.
[ It's not the first time Jason's ever punched him the face. But when it connects, he doesn't feel just the force of the punch. He feels the weight of everything Jason must be feeling. The break in his voice. It breaks him. ]
[ It stings. And he doesn't know what to do with the pain. He could bury it, like always. Or give himself the space to feel it. He doesn't know what to do with any of this. ]
No. You have every right to be angry with me. But I didn't lie to you.
[He moves back, away, across the room so he's in the corner. Normally he doesn't let himself do that, be cornered, somewhere that he can't hold onto all the power in the room, but he can't help it now. He shakes his head.]
Then what the fuck is it, Bruce? You told me you loved me, and then you, wha-
[ He could see the tears and honestly, this isn't how he wanted this to go. It's not how he'd planned for their relationship to end.
He could go. Probably should, since Jason is throwing him out, but Jason isn't the only one who feels like he's being pulled apart. Bruce had not been there for the explosion. But he wants to be here now, since this is all his fault.
It's stupid. He should go. But he doesn't. He pulls the cowl off and moves in closer to Jason so he can try to wipe his tears. So he doesn't feel like he's coming unraveled. ]
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theknightshift) wrote2024-11-12 08:56 pm
no subject
His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
Get some rest.
no subject
He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]
no subject
However Jason tries to reach out to him in the ensuing hours are ignored. At least, until Jason forces him to pay attention. ]
no subject
And heard nothing.
He messages a couple more times that day, but doesn't think too much of it, doesn't worry, until later, until a day passes and then another. He knows that Bruce is okay, because he spots him in the night, because he hasn't heard word otherwise and he would have heard if Bruce Wayne was dead.
So by night three he's furious at getting ghosted, and his messages start getting mean, but-
-but then his temper catches up with him and Jason can't take it anymore. He knows it's a tantrum. He knows it's childish, but still, he comes to the cave when Bruce isn't there, even more annoyed that while Bruce is being a bitch he hasn't locked him out. He can't possibly explain why it's so annoying, but it is.
He knows he's on camera, too, so he casually flips the camera the bird, and then-
-and then he disassembles the backup server, grabs the Batcomputer, dumps it in one of the cars, and takes the car. He knows he's going to be running on time when Bruce catches wind and disables it remotely, but by the time the car starts to slow down Jason just grabs the computer and starts hauling it on foot to his closest safehouse.
It turns out to be a safehouse that all the Robins use, but that isn't important. He's not really trying to hide.]
no subject
But he managed. Three whole days before he considered reaching out. But he suits up for patrol instead and throws himself into the work. His cowl alerts him while he broods on one of the tower buildings littering Gotham's skyline. A disturbance in the cave. One of the backup servers returns an offline status and Bruce didn't need to to check the surveillance or the log of the most recent visitors. He knew immediately who the culprit is and he's swooping off into the night to confront him.
The tracker embedded in the server leads him to the safehouse and he comes in through the window, ready to greet Jason. He's not hostile. A little annoyed -- he's going to have to replace that server -- but not angry. ]
If you needed information, you could have just asked.
no subject
He is sitting with the computer between them, a hammer in hand, because he will absolutely go berserk if he feels like he needs to. He is on the floor with his long leg curved around the computer, no less.]
Oh, is that how I could have gotten you to answer your phone?
All the texts I sent, like the ones asking you to call me, they weren't enough?
[He looks angry enough for the both of them.]
no subject
If you wanted my attention, you have it.
Talk to me.
no subject
[He throws the hammer at Bruce's chest. There is no finesse to it, so if Bruce wants to dodge, he can, and he probably can easily. It's rage flung out of Jason's hand right at Bruce's heart.
He thinks he can feel the heat of tears rising behind his face but damn it, he is not going to cry.]
What the hell? You abandoned me.
no subject
I didn't abandon you. If you needed me, you could have reached me.
no subject
I tried. You didn't reply to a single text.
What is this about? Is this payback for going on a mission? Are you being petty as fuck? I was out there doing something important, and you've been fucking around the Diamond District.
[Oh, he's been keeping tabs.]
no subject
No. It has nothing to do with that.
no subject
Go to hell!
[He yells it, and it's clear he's going to cry any second now.]
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You lied.
no subject
Jason, stop.
no subject
You are so goddamned predictable, I should have known-
[He aims another punch.]
I should never have trusted you, I should have known, this is my goddamned fault-
no subject
Stop. Listen to me.
no subject
[He slaps Bruce, then, open handed and sad.]
I kept doing that and you kept fucking with me, and now you-
[His lips pull away from his teeth in a growl.]
Iโm always the idiot, arenโt I?
no subject
No. You have every right to be angry with me. But I didn't lie to you.
no subject
Then what the fuck is it, Bruce? You told me you loved me, and then you, wha-
[And then it hits him.]
You coward. You fucking coward.
no subject
I did what I needed to do. That doesn't make me a coward.
no subject
Get out. Get out, I never-
Get out!
[He yells it, and he feels like his body is coming apart. He feels like he did when he saw the bomb tick down to zero.]
no subject
He could go. Probably should, since Jason is throwing him out, but Jason isn't the only one who feels like he's being pulled apart. Bruce had not been there for the explosion. But he wants to be here now, since this is all his fault.
It's stupid. He should go. But he doesn't. He pulls the cowl off and moves in closer to Jason so he can try to wipe his tears. So he doesn't feel like he's coming unraveled. ]
It wasn't meant to hurt you, Jason.
no subject
Only this isnโt physical.]
Oh no? Oh, daddy, did it get too real for you? You missed my pretty hole but then realized that feelings would make it gross?
Maybe you should have thought of that six months ago when you thought it would be a good idea to put your cock in my mouth!
[His tone is mean, his voice deep and snarling.]