[ He knew it was an eventuality. Two months of no contact and Jason had all but consumed his thoughts. They would have to talk about it eventually. The sooner, the better. There's some small part that's ready for it.
The rest feels ready to retreat.
But he doesn't have the good sense to stop himself. Not when Jason is here and it feels like he's everywhere all at once. Not when his brain feels like tv static and all he can hear is Jason's breathing and that cry of surprise. It bubbles up inside of him, like a warm drink on a cold night. Like an orgasm he doesn't have the fortitude to stop. ]
I love you.
[ He should have stopped, but he doesn't. Not until he feels empty and spent. ]
[At first he thinks heโs hearing things on the bright, beautiful comedown. He thinks that his thoughts are echoing what he wants to hear, and it takes him a second to register that the words, thick and deep against his own chest, theyโre real, as is the bright intensity of Bruceโs own orgasm.
Itโs so much that Jason worries he might start crying at the same time that he doesnโt care if he does. Instead he leans his head forward to kiss Bruce, again, the hand on Bruceโs back moving to cup the back of his neck instead. He breathes the smell of him like he can memorialize this, even as Bruce is pulling away a little in sticky motions of hot and sweaty bodies.]
[ The gravity of it doesn't weigh him down. Not at first. He's too blissful and boneless and satisfied to feel it. Jason's hand on the back of his neck feels like the only thing keeping him from simply floating away. But when it starts to subside, it drags him back down to earth with a bone-crushing kind of force.
Jason doesn't say it back, and he doesn't panic--he never panics, but he feels unsettled. Now that he's given that nebulous feeling living in his chest words, it's real and tangible and he can't take it back. He's not sure he wants to and that, somehow, makes it worse. Bruce isn't sure what he wants. So when he finally untangles himself from Jason, he rolls over to his side of the bed and takes a moment to breathe.
He said he would stay. But right now? All he wants to do is slip back into the shadows and disappear into the night. Maybe he would, once Jason is sleeping. ]
[Jason watches this for a minute, and maybe, because he's stupid, he thinks: oh, this is fine.
He reaches for Bruce's hand when they untangle.]
B.
Stay.
[He had asked him to stay, earlier. He thinks that's what he's saying now, too, and I love you too and I love you but I don't know how to form the words and you should know it, I love you, except that when it comes out of his mouth it sounds like stay.
But the pleasure is thick in his voice and thick against his body, and he's so tired. He wants to wake up with Bruce right there, and he wants to be able to tell him, when he doesn't feel tangled up in the headiness of a post-orgasmic haze.]
[ Bruce decides it's okay if he doesn't say it back. It feels a little like suffocating, but it's for the best really. He shouldn't have let this go on for so long. The first time should have been the last. He should have controlled himself. But that was a problem he intended to fix.
His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
[He's warm; he's happy. He loves him and there's Bruce, kissing him, and Jason grips his hand. It feels like being accepted again, the first time that Jason's felt this way in a long, long time. Maybe ever.
He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]
[ He stays, for however long it takes for Jason to sleep and when it's safe, Bruce slips away and into the night. It pained him, like being stabbed in the heart and being left to bleed out. But it's for the best. Life would go on. It had to.
However Jason tries to reach out to him in the ensuing hours are ignored. At least, until Jason forces him to pay attention. ]
[He wakes up to a cold bed and he didn't expect that, but he doesn't think it's bad; he thinks that Bruce got a call or something, so he just messages him with a woke up, thinking of you kind of thing, and waited.
And heard nothing.
He messages a couple more times that day, but doesn't think too much of it, doesn't worry, until later, until a day passes and then another. He knows that Bruce is okay, because he spots him in the night, because he hasn't heard word otherwise and he would have heard if Bruce Wayne was dead.
So by night three he's furious at getting ghosted, and his messages start getting mean, but-
-but then his temper catches up with him and Jason can't take it anymore. He knows it's a tantrum. He knows it's childish, but still, he comes to the cave when Bruce isn't there, even more annoyed that while Bruce is being a bitch he hasn't locked him out. He can't possibly explain why it's so annoying, but it is.
He knows he's on camera, too, so he casually flips the camera the bird, and then-
-and then he disassembles the backup server, grabs the Batcomputer, dumps it in one of the cars, and takes the car. He knows he's going to be running on time when Bruce catches wind and disables it remotely, but by the time the car starts to slow down Jason just grabs the computer and starts hauling it on foot to his closest safehouse.
It turns out to be a safehouse that all the Robins use, but that isn't important. He's not really trying to hide.]
[ If he's going to let this go, he has to cut the cord. So Bruce silences all of Jason's correspondence, except on the emergency line. If Jason really needed him, Bruce would be there. But he wouldn't entertain anything else. He couldn't. It made life difficult, but Bruce could deal with difficulty. He's trained by it, honed by it. It just didn't make missing Jason any easier.
But he managed. Three whole days before he considered reaching out. But he suits up for patrol instead and throws himself into the work. His cowl alerts him while he broods on one of the tower buildings littering Gotham's skyline. A disturbance in the cave. One of the backup servers returns an offline status and Bruce didn't need to to check the surveillance or the log of the most recent visitors. He knew immediately who the culprit is and he's swooping off into the night to confront him.
The tracker embedded in the server leads him to the safehouse and he comes in through the window, ready to greet Jason. He's not hostile. A little annoyed -- he's going to have to replace that server -- but not angry. ]
If you needed information, you could have just asked.
He is sitting with the computer between them, a hammer in hand, because he will absolutely go berserk if he feels like he needs to. He is on the floor with his long leg curved around the computer, no less.]
Oh, is that how I could have gotten you to answer your phone?
All the texts I sent, like the ones asking you to call me, they weren't enough?
[ He's angry enough for the both of them. Bruce wants to reach for him, pull him up and tug him into his arms. But he keeps his distance. Less so because Jason might try to hurt and more because Bruce needed to keep his resolve in tact. ]
[He throws the hammer at Bruce's chest. There is no finesse to it, so if Bruce wants to dodge, he can, and he probably can easily. It's rage flung out of Jason's hand right at Bruce's heart.
He thinks he can feel the heat of tears rising behind his face but damn it, he is not going to cry.]
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theknightshift) wrote2024-11-12 08:56 pm
no subject
The rest feels ready to retreat.
But he doesn't have the good sense to stop himself. Not when Jason is here and it feels like he's everywhere all at once. Not when his brain feels like tv static and all he can hear is Jason's breathing and that cry of surprise. It bubbles up inside of him, like a warm drink on a cold night. Like an orgasm he doesn't have the fortitude to stop. ]
I love you.
[ He should have stopped, but he doesn't. Not until he feels empty and spent. ]
no subject
Itโs so much that Jason worries he might start crying at the same time that he doesnโt care if he does. Instead he leans his head forward to kiss Bruce, again, the hand on Bruceโs back moving to cup the back of his neck instead. He breathes the smell of him like he can memorialize this, even as Bruce is pulling away a little in sticky motions of hot and sweaty bodies.]
no subject
Jason doesn't say it back, and he doesn't panic--he never panics, but he feels unsettled. Now that he's given that nebulous feeling living in his chest words, it's real and tangible and he can't take it back. He's not sure he wants to and that, somehow, makes it worse. Bruce isn't sure what he wants. So when he finally untangles himself from Jason, he rolls over to his side of the bed and takes a moment to breathe.
He said he would stay. But right now? All he wants to do is slip back into the shadows and disappear into the night. Maybe he would, once Jason is sleeping. ]
no subject
He reaches for Bruce's hand when they untangle.]
B.
Stay.
[He had asked him to stay, earlier. He thinks that's what he's saying now, too, and I love you too and I love you but I don't know how to form the words and you should know it, I love you, except that when it comes out of his mouth it sounds like stay.
But the pleasure is thick in his voice and thick against his body, and he's so tired. He wants to wake up with Bruce right there, and he wants to be able to tell him, when he doesn't feel tangled up in the headiness of a post-orgasmic haze.]
no subject
His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
Get some rest.
no subject
He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]
no subject
However Jason tries to reach out to him in the ensuing hours are ignored. At least, until Jason forces him to pay attention. ]
no subject
And heard nothing.
He messages a couple more times that day, but doesn't think too much of it, doesn't worry, until later, until a day passes and then another. He knows that Bruce is okay, because he spots him in the night, because he hasn't heard word otherwise and he would have heard if Bruce Wayne was dead.
So by night three he's furious at getting ghosted, and his messages start getting mean, but-
-but then his temper catches up with him and Jason can't take it anymore. He knows it's a tantrum. He knows it's childish, but still, he comes to the cave when Bruce isn't there, even more annoyed that while Bruce is being a bitch he hasn't locked him out. He can't possibly explain why it's so annoying, but it is.
He knows he's on camera, too, so he casually flips the camera the bird, and then-
-and then he disassembles the backup server, grabs the Batcomputer, dumps it in one of the cars, and takes the car. He knows he's going to be running on time when Bruce catches wind and disables it remotely, but by the time the car starts to slow down Jason just grabs the computer and starts hauling it on foot to his closest safehouse.
It turns out to be a safehouse that all the Robins use, but that isn't important. He's not really trying to hide.]
no subject
But he managed. Three whole days before he considered reaching out. But he suits up for patrol instead and throws himself into the work. His cowl alerts him while he broods on one of the tower buildings littering Gotham's skyline. A disturbance in the cave. One of the backup servers returns an offline status and Bruce didn't need to to check the surveillance or the log of the most recent visitors. He knew immediately who the culprit is and he's swooping off into the night to confront him.
The tracker embedded in the server leads him to the safehouse and he comes in through the window, ready to greet Jason. He's not hostile. A little annoyed -- he's going to have to replace that server -- but not angry. ]
If you needed information, you could have just asked.
no subject
He is sitting with the computer between them, a hammer in hand, because he will absolutely go berserk if he feels like he needs to. He is on the floor with his long leg curved around the computer, no less.]
Oh, is that how I could have gotten you to answer your phone?
All the texts I sent, like the ones asking you to call me, they weren't enough?
[He looks angry enough for the both of them.]
no subject
If you wanted my attention, you have it.
Talk to me.
no subject
[He throws the hammer at Bruce's chest. There is no finesse to it, so if Bruce wants to dodge, he can, and he probably can easily. It's rage flung out of Jason's hand right at Bruce's heart.
He thinks he can feel the heat of tears rising behind his face but damn it, he is not going to cry.]
What the hell? You abandoned me.
no subject
I didn't abandon you. If you needed me, you could have reached me.