[ For once, Bruce didn't have an answer. It's too much and he can't think clearly, or at all. He just feels Jason's body move underneath him and it feels incredible. How he managed two months without this, without Jason, Bruce would never know. ]
Don't want you thinking about anything else.
[ Nothing at all. Just them and this moment and all of the moments that will follow. ]
Just me. Just us. [ The teeth sinking into his lip stings, but the pain only makes him want more and more. Everything Jason could possibly give him. ]
They're going to have a talk about it. They're going to have to discuss feelings and Jason knows that this could go haywire, this could go in so many weird and bad directions. Neither of them have much of a good track record with this.
But right now he thinks his eyes are rolling all the way to the back of his skull, and he reaches between them to grip his cock and try and both finish and to stave off the orgasm.
One urge wins out, through, and he strokes himself even as his cock is rubbing against Bruce's abs, and when he comes it's with a cry of surprise.]
[ He knew it was an eventuality. Two months of no contact and Jason had all but consumed his thoughts. They would have to talk about it eventually. The sooner, the better. There's some small part that's ready for it.
The rest feels ready to retreat.
But he doesn't have the good sense to stop himself. Not when Jason is here and it feels like he's everywhere all at once. Not when his brain feels like tv static and all he can hear is Jason's breathing and that cry of surprise. It bubbles up inside of him, like a warm drink on a cold night. Like an orgasm he doesn't have the fortitude to stop. ]
I love you.
[ He should have stopped, but he doesn't. Not until he feels empty and spent. ]
[At first he thinks heโs hearing things on the bright, beautiful comedown. He thinks that his thoughts are echoing what he wants to hear, and it takes him a second to register that the words, thick and deep against his own chest, theyโre real, as is the bright intensity of Bruceโs own orgasm.
Itโs so much that Jason worries he might start crying at the same time that he doesnโt care if he does. Instead he leans his head forward to kiss Bruce, again, the hand on Bruceโs back moving to cup the back of his neck instead. He breathes the smell of him like he can memorialize this, even as Bruce is pulling away a little in sticky motions of hot and sweaty bodies.]
[ The gravity of it doesn't weigh him down. Not at first. He's too blissful and boneless and satisfied to feel it. Jason's hand on the back of his neck feels like the only thing keeping him from simply floating away. But when it starts to subside, it drags him back down to earth with a bone-crushing kind of force.
Jason doesn't say it back, and he doesn't panic--he never panics, but he feels unsettled. Now that he's given that nebulous feeling living in his chest words, it's real and tangible and he can't take it back. He's not sure he wants to and that, somehow, makes it worse. Bruce isn't sure what he wants. So when he finally untangles himself from Jason, he rolls over to his side of the bed and takes a moment to breathe.
He said he would stay. But right now? All he wants to do is slip back into the shadows and disappear into the night. Maybe he would, once Jason is sleeping. ]
[Jason watches this for a minute, and maybe, because he's stupid, he thinks: oh, this is fine.
He reaches for Bruce's hand when they untangle.]
B.
Stay.
[He had asked him to stay, earlier. He thinks that's what he's saying now, too, and I love you too and I love you but I don't know how to form the words and you should know it, I love you, except that when it comes out of his mouth it sounds like stay.
But the pleasure is thick in his voice and thick against his body, and he's so tired. He wants to wake up with Bruce right there, and he wants to be able to tell him, when he doesn't feel tangled up in the headiness of a post-orgasmic haze.]
[ Bruce decides it's okay if he doesn't say it back. It feels a little like suffocating, but it's for the best really. He shouldn't have let this go on for so long. The first time should have been the last. He should have controlled himself. But that was a problem he intended to fix.
His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
[He's warm; he's happy. He loves him and there's Bruce, kissing him, and Jason grips his hand. It feels like being accepted again, the first time that Jason's felt this way in a long, long time. Maybe ever.
He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]
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Don't want you thinking about anything else.
[ Nothing at all. Just them and this moment and all of the moments that will follow. ]
Just me. Just us. [ The teeth sinking into his lip stings, but the pain only makes him want more and more. Everything Jason could possibly give him. ]
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Just us.
They're going to have a talk about it. They're going to have to discuss feelings and Jason knows that this could go haywire, this could go in so many weird and bad directions. Neither of them have much of a good track record with this.
But right now he thinks his eyes are rolling all the way to the back of his skull, and he reaches between them to grip his cock and try and both finish and to stave off the orgasm.
One urge wins out, through, and he strokes himself even as his cock is rubbing against Bruce's abs, and when he comes it's with a cry of surprise.]
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The rest feels ready to retreat.
But he doesn't have the good sense to stop himself. Not when Jason is here and it feels like he's everywhere all at once. Not when his brain feels like tv static and all he can hear is Jason's breathing and that cry of surprise. It bubbles up inside of him, like a warm drink on a cold night. Like an orgasm he doesn't have the fortitude to stop. ]
I love you.
[ He should have stopped, but he doesn't. Not until he feels empty and spent. ]
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Itโs so much that Jason worries he might start crying at the same time that he doesnโt care if he does. Instead he leans his head forward to kiss Bruce, again, the hand on Bruceโs back moving to cup the back of his neck instead. He breathes the smell of him like he can memorialize this, even as Bruce is pulling away a little in sticky motions of hot and sweaty bodies.]
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Jason doesn't say it back, and he doesn't panic--he never panics, but he feels unsettled. Now that he's given that nebulous feeling living in his chest words, it's real and tangible and he can't take it back. He's not sure he wants to and that, somehow, makes it worse. Bruce isn't sure what he wants. So when he finally untangles himself from Jason, he rolls over to his side of the bed and takes a moment to breathe.
He said he would stay. But right now? All he wants to do is slip back into the shadows and disappear into the night. Maybe he would, once Jason is sleeping. ]
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He reaches for Bruce's hand when they untangle.]
B.
Stay.
[He had asked him to stay, earlier. He thinks that's what he's saying now, too, and I love you too and I love you but I don't know how to form the words and you should know it, I love you, except that when it comes out of his mouth it sounds like stay.
But the pleasure is thick in his voice and thick against his body, and he's so tired. He wants to wake up with Bruce right there, and he wants to be able to tell him, when he doesn't feel tangled up in the headiness of a post-orgasmic haze.]
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His fingers curl around Jason's hand when he reaches for him and he rolls onto his side so he can look at him for a minute. And he decides: Jason was never the mistake. How could he be? When he makes this city a more bearable place just by being in it? Jason isn't the mistake. Loving him isn't the mistake. It's Bruce. He lifts that hand to his lips and kisses it. Almost like a goodbye. ]
Get some rest.
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He nudges in a little closer, just enough to smile and put one hand on Bruce's thigh.
He thinks; I love you and get some rest and he hears I'll be right here.]
Okay B.
[He's already half-drowsing, too high on endorphins to know the mess that Bruce is going to make as soon as he thinks that he can move without waking Jason up.]