[ It comes out sharper than he means for it to. He wants to lash out too, to push back on the idea that he's afraid. But he knows if he thinks about it, even for a moment, it feels like he's lying. He is afraid. ]
[ For a moment, the mask slips and Jason gets all of the vulnerability Bruce doesn't show anyone else. It's in the subtle shift of his gaze--usually hard and unwavering, averted so he doesn't have to face the truth of it. His jaw tight, mouth set firm. ]
Maybe I am...
[ He shakes his head, whatever else he wants to say swallowed up in the dark. He reaches for the cowl to pull it back in place. ]
[ It feels surreal to hear Jason say it. Like for a moment, he thinks he cannot be talking to him. There must be someone else he's speaking to. But there's no one here but him and Jason and Bruce is on the verge of leaving.
But he doesn't. He stands there feeling like an idiot--after too many minutes he says: ]
[ Bruce could brace himself, make himself an unmovable force if he wanted. But Jason shoves him and he moves. He would go, without another word or a glance back. ]
He doesn't know what he wants. He wants Bruce to want him, and he wants Bruce to leave, and he wants Bruce to apologize, and he wants Bruce to leave. He feels hysterical, like he's lost himself completely, furious and tired, and he hits Bruce again, in the shoulder, and then his arms are around him.]
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theknightshift) wrote2024-11-12 08:56 pm
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You could have waited a day, but no, you didn't get what you wanted right away and you left-
[He slams his hands into the wall behind him.]
You didn't want me to feel obligated, but you treated it like a goddamned test, that's not love, Bruce!
no subject
[ It comes out sharper than he means for it to. He wants to lash out too, to push back on the idea that he's afraid. But he knows if he thinks about it, even for a moment, it feels like he's lying. He is afraid. ]
I just...I was giving you the out.
no subject
[He shakes his head.]
You were giving yourself an out.
[He makes a deep throated noise.]
You might love me but youโre more afraid of me than anything.
no subject
Maybe I am...
[ He shakes his head, whatever else he wants to say swallowed up in the dark. He reaches for the cowl to pull it back in place. ]
It doesn't matter what I feel.
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Stop lying.
If what you feel didnโt matter you wouldnโt have left me.
I love you and I wish you would die.
no subject
But he doesn't. He stands there feeling like an idiot--after too many minutes he says: ]
I love you too.
no subject
You donโt love me. You donโt fucking do this shit to people you love!
[Jason yells it, and he moves forward and pushes at Bruce, once, and then again.]
Leave! I never want you to see me again, leave!
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no subject
He doesn't know what he wants. He wants Bruce to want him, and he wants Bruce to leave, and he wants Bruce to apologize, and he wants Bruce to leave. He feels hysterical, like he's lost himself completely, furious and tired, and he hits Bruce again, in the shoulder, and then his arms are around him.]
You're so goddamned stupid.