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[theknightshift]

UN: Bruce T. Wayne ceo | UN: Batman
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[theknightshift]

[ The worst part is he doesn't have an answer. The question hits him square in the chest and Bruce doesn't know what to say. He can't explain why he can't keep the people he loves more than life itself safe. Knowing that he's not fast enough, good enough, that he can't stretch himself thin enough to cover them all eats away at him like a parasite. It's why he pushes himself so hard. So he can do better. So he can be better and so they won't ever have to suffer again.

The question hits and bites deeper than the batarang had and it takes the fight out of him. He looks at the other Bruce, almost envies him because he hasn't had to live with this gnawing sense of guilt for nearly as long. He still has the choice to keep this life a lonely one. It isn't the same without them. Bruce won't ever say it would be better without them. But at least he'd be spared the heartache. ]

I don't know.

[ the words fall out of his mouth as he presses a hand against the bleeding wound. ]

But I wouldn't trade them. Not any of them. Not for anything.

[batsymbol]

( one of the many reasons he became batman was so he would never have to go through this again — that he could protect those around him and those who need someone in their corner. because no one else was willing to do it and if he needed to be the one to do it, then he would. even if it seems pointless sometimes with how much the city eats itself and the good people in it. he had to try. yet somehow it seems for all his training, for all the sleepless nights he spends on the streets of gotham, it’s never enough. he’s never enough, and he’s been wrangling with that possibility, that disappointment in himself for awhile now.

he pulls himself up — spits another bit of blood out and wipes at his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. he gives himself a moment. a few slow breaths. arm resting on the workbench he leans on before he’s looking up to his older counterpart. )

I’m sorry… about Alfred. ( he looks down as he says that, eyes falling shut. ) I almost lost him when I returned to Gotham briefly. ( silence. ) I know the fear of that pain and I’m sorry you have to live with it.

( because he understands despite the loss having not happened. the fear itself and the pain that had ripped through him from the sheer possibility of having not been able to save him… he understands.

with a wince, he completely pulls himself up and away from the workbench, reaching back and pulling out another tool that managed to wedge its way between the soft parts of the suit. looking it over, he sets it down on the workbench, bloodied as expected. )

Every time one of them comes here, it seems all I see is how I potentially fail them. How no matter what I do, it’s not going to be enough and I want it to be. Because they deserve that. ( a beat. ) Maybe that’s just being a parent.

( and batman. )

They’re good kids though. ( well. ) A little more than frustrating at times, but. Life’s definitely been different since coming here. Not all bad either.