theknightshift | inbox (etraya)

[This is the first of being referred to as a partner. It's what Jason always wanted, but he'd been pawned off to the Titans and then when the Titans didn't want him, Bruce seemed to find every way possible to leave him alone with the impossible task of showing restraint.]

You never sent me off anywhere? [His voice is quieter, more vulnerable.]

If you ever leave, it's because you chose to.

[ He's not being 100% forthcoming about past actions, but those were just that: past actions. As far as he's concerned this is a true statement. ]

Huh.

[Jason considers what this Bruce has said and his mind returns to the worry that one day Bruce will wake up and realize he's made a terrible error bringing Jason into the flock.

It takes a couple deep breaths before he asks,] Did you ever call me a mistake?

No. You were never a mistake.

[ The thought has crossed his mind more than once, especially when the relationship was fragile or fraught or downright hostile. But ultimately? Bruce's life would be a little bit emptier without Jason Todd in it. He had to live a long time without him. He knows from first hand experience. ]

Our relationship isn't perfect, Jason, but I don't regret having you in my life.

[Jason stares over at Bruce with a mix of regret and wishfulness. Even before he said it out loud, his Bruce acted like he was a mistake. He sent Jason off to the Titans without a second thought, insisted that Dick should train him instead of Bruce himself. Coming home after the Titans had been difficult, but again he pawned Jason off before the words came out of his mouth, before he fired Jason outright.]

Did you ever fire me?

[Jason's voice is vulnerable, unsteady.]

[ At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Jason had become insubordinate, angry, hostile. Bruce didn’t fire him, but thought being Robin was too much for him. Long before Garzonas met his fate on the other side of that balcony.

He never fired Jason outright, but removed him? Absolutely. ]

No.

[Jason goes quiet again, watching Bruce with the utmost attention.]

You’d never bench me for nightmares?

What are you having nightmares about, Jason?

[ Bruce returns Jason’s gaze ]

Does it matter?

[Jason asks, frowning at Bruce.]

I would not have asked if it didn’t.

They’re about falling. [Jason withdraws more into himself.]

[ Secretly? Bruce is relieved. Jason's answer could have very easily changed the trajectory of this conversation. Falling, he could deal with. The Joker? Was not a fight he was looking forward to rehashing. ]

Why did you fall?

[Jason levels his gaze at Bruce.]

Why does it matter?

I am trying to understand you and what happened to you.

[ He's got enough for an educated guess, but having more to go on wouldn't hurt. ]

[Jason doesn’t quite believe Bruce, but he is out here in the woods trying.]

I got kidnapped by Deathstroke. Dropped off a building.

[ That's...a deviation. One to especially note. Deathstroke is the source of the nightmares. And the nightmares are the reason Bruce benched him. Called him a mistake. Fired him. Left him to languish on his own. Where did the Joker fit in? Did he fit in? Had all of this put Jason on that terrible collision course? ]

You were afraid.

[ It almost sounds like a question, but really it's Bruce putting the pieces together. Seeing the picture for what it was. ]

[Jason looks down at the ground but nods all the same. Fear had driven him into Crane’s arms, to hate the belfry.]

Yeah.

[ Bruce shifts where he sits, turns his body toward Jason, so when he looks up, he'd see him clearly. He isn't turning away. He's turning his back on this kid for being afraid. ]

Fear is a tool. Like any other in your belt. That means you control it. Don't let it control you.

Easy for you to say.

[Jason shakes his head at Bruce.]

What do you have to be afraid of?

[ People dying, people he loves. Or they leave him. Or they come back and hate him to the very core of him. Not being good enough. Strong enough. Fast enough.

Briefly, he thinks about Sam Kristoff, dying alone in that tunnel. ]

Plenty.

[Jason scoffs dismissively.]

You have a whole belfry behind you.

Jason, I can't promise what will happen when you get home. But while you're here, you are one of us. Let us help you.

I am not one of you. [Jason replies sharply.] You all made that very clear.

I haven't made anything clear except that I want to help you.

[ Bruce, unfazed by the sharp turn in Jason's tone, takes another bite of his hotdog. ]

How would you even help me? Draw me in close just to reject me? Call me 'son' and then a 'mistake' all in the same 36 hours?

[Jason crosses his arms.]

That's all I ever am: a mistake.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject